


Boy's Faith

by flinchflower



Series: Slash Me Twice [95]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Family, Hunters & Hunting, Internal Conflict, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:14:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flinchflower/pseuds/flinchflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt 95:Need.  Sam contemplates the end game - they're about to finish the demon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy's Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not for profit, simply a writing exercise. Herein lies Dean/Sam slash, in an AU timeline where John did not lose his life. John appears in parental context only.
> 
> Warning: I'm about to entirely re-write the S2 finale...

Sam settles in for some serious thought. John’s got them making the final preparations, there’s lead out in Nevada they’re going to go check themselves. Someone thinks they’ve seen Ava, and well, that’s all they really need to hear. He’s got to get himself on the ball, ready to rock n’ roll. Be a Winchester.

He’s not sure what taking this demon down is going to entail. Pain and suffering, he bets, not that they’re any stranger to that, but the truth is he’s scared, just like he is every time. Dean, his brother’s everything to him – best friend, big brother, stand-in father, lover… And the thought of something happening to Dad petrifies him. Dean’s never recovered from Mary’s death, and Sam hates to think what will happen to either of them if something happens to Dad, or what will- He breaks off the thoughts, aware that he’s fretting, hating himself for it. Dad and Dean cope with this kind of crap, and don’t fuck themselves up with it, what the hell is wrong with him, that he can’t deal?

He’s just got this deep burning need to see this over..

And he’s not sure what he wants to do when it’s all over, either. There’ve been suggestions about him going back to school, about Dean going to school, and he’s had some image of the three of them living in a house together like a real family while they’re at college, and stealing back the years that were taken from them. It’s always been the carrot dangling in front of him, and now he’s half afraid to grab with it, after what happened with Jess…

There’s something about the whole mess that bothers him, though. The visions, he knows from the feelings he can ascertain in them that he was never meant to figure out that he could track the damn things, that the thing could keep tabs on him, so they’ve got an edge. But there’s something missing, and it has to do with Ava, he’s pretty sure. 

He can’t quite put his finger on it. Maybe it’s the fact that she went missing, the presence of the damn sulfur, but something about it’s bugging him. None of his visions have included her, and it makes him feel suspicious. There’s a nagging feeling that he’d know if she were dead, because if he thinks about it, there’s a different feel to Jake, than there is to Max, and it makes him uneasy. He’s talked that one over with Missouri, doesn’t want to say a thing to Dean or John about it, and Missouri hadn’t objected. He was protected enough, no need to discuss it.

The only thing talking it over with his family does is make them uncomfortable. And they’ve got enough of that. He knows that John sees it as a potential threat, but it’s no more than the demon itself. Yeah, they’re safe here. The demon’s just thinking they’ve gone to ground somewhere again, but it’s aware that they have more hiding places than a magician’s suit jacket, that they don’t make mistakes when they’re rabbiting off to hide somewhere. They’re gonna have to be careful leaving Tessera, that’s for sure.

He’s been glad of the haven they have there. And he’ll never admit it, but he’d be happy if Tess and his Dad, well – 

His thoughts come screaming to an abrupt halt as he realizes his father’s watching him.

“Dad?”

John sits down next to him heavily. “Son. If you want to stay here, Dean and I-“

“No,” he says quietly, understanding the silence that follows. John thinks that of all of them, he’s the most vulnerable. Sam feels a little differently. He’s gonna know when the demon is near, and he thinks that the advanced warning is something that John and Dean don’t dare do without. They’ve discussed this dozens of times over the last couple of weeks, and the conversations never go well. Someone always winds up mad, and Sam always feels wretched, watching his father’s stiff back retreat, or seeing the frustrated expression on Dean’s face that the conversations always spark. He always feels like something’s ripping him apart from the inside, and it makes him wonder if he isn’t just better off dead. God knows Dean and dad have come close enough, plenty of times.

John seems to sense some of what he’s thinking. “Then we go as a family, boy.”

Sam nods. He doesn’t need to say anything, he’s pretty sure that John knows he’s relaxed a little.

His father clears his throat, and gives Sam a serious look. “I want us to stick together, Sam. We all three of us need to know what’s in the other’s heads. I know you’re not used to operating like that with Dean when you’re hunting, you let your instincts guide you, we need to try and stay away from that here.”

“Yessir.” It makes sense, he doesn’t have a problem with it, but it does give him a horrific premonition of spankings that are gonna happen in the future. John takes his role as commanding officer in the field with deadly precision and seriousness, and both Dean and Sam are unfortunate enough to be his sons, not just his subordinates when he’s out there. Neither of them mind the second in command role, or taking backup, nor are the dressing downs when they screw something up that hard to take – Sam’s pretty sure that Dean likes being yelled at when something does happen, that it’s part of his brother’s process for handling mistakes. Fuck up, listen to the lecture for details and John’s insights, train harder, and don’t repeat any screw ups. He’s a little more sensitive himself, and could do without the lectures mostly, though he has to admit that John does make some damn good points when he’s in full bore lecture mode. The problem strolls in the door with John’s sense of fatherhood, his overgrown sense of protectiveness. If the boys manage to screw up in the field, and wake that overprotective sensibility that John’s got, there’s worse in their futures than a lecture, they’re gonna wind up getting their asses blistered, and they know it.

“That’s my boy,” John replies, and Sam’s heart’s a little lighter, there’s a little less fear packed into his brain, even if his ass is still nervous. Dean flops down on the other side of John, and the older man puts a hand down on his eldest son’s knee. “Both of you. We’ll get the job done. Just stay focused, and on alert, we’ll get it done, no different than any job we’ve ever done together. Though,” he says narrowing his eyes when he looks at Dean. “We’re gonna try to keep the damn FBI out of this one, until we can get that cleared up, aren’t we now.”

Dean has the grace to actually blush. Both of them weren’t quite sure why they’d tried to keep that one from John, and they’d been fairly successful, up until John contacted Deacon last week for some intel. They’d both gotten their asses blistered for that, Dean for lying to John about a hunt, and Sam for withholding information. 

“Where are we headed, Dad?”

“Nevada, at the moment. We’re gonna stop by Bobby’s though, we’re gonna take it slow, ‘cause there’s still a part the Impala needs.”

Dean winces. That bears some thinking on, she’s got him feeling sort of insecure, and John pats his knee comfortingly. 

“Last thing to take care of before we hunt the bastard down.”

Sam nods, feeling ready, not vulnerable to Dean’s insecurity this time. “Lets do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack: silence


End file.
